Thu
May
8
So, I thought I’d do an update regarding my health.
I have an appointment with ze therapist tomorrow morning, in 8 hours…and I’ve got to finish a story. This is to help me with what is called “catastrophizing” - in everyday life, I often visualize every situation - yes, even very small ones - turn out as a catastrophe. As a result, I get so stressed I can’t accomplish anything. And of course I’m obsessed with it being written at least well enough it would get a decent mark in Creative Writing! I’m sooo tired. Just the kabillionth lesson in procrastination of my life. God is so patient with me!
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/what-is-catastrophizing
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12406524
http://www.boxofcrayons.biz/articles/catastrophe.php
I had a blood test. It revealed that, even though I was taking meds already for it, my thyroid’s function has been almost nil. Which means…my body would barely metabolize…leading to, well, the reason I can never seem to lose weight. My thyroid also needs to work to live a long life! The second thing was a diagnosis of PCOS. I’m just going to say OH that’s why I could have drowned entire planets of tampon people. The other side effect is that I have a huge overload of estrogen from PCOS - and it makes it impossible to lose weight (I imagine one can by extreme means).
I’m just going to admit, I feel a little vindicated right now.
http://pacificlib.tripod.com/pcos
Mon
Apr
21
I have to…go.
I’m rising up, and I have to go. Somewhere and somehow. I am unfinished - or rather there is much that is unfinished.
More than ever before, this is to me a beautiful place. Fishing with Mom, surrounded by a lavender sunset. Reconnections with very loved people from my past, Natalie and Carley. Possible beginnings of new friendships. I like the people in my world.
But, I’m just not done with the midnight musicals, nor the campfires under Cassiopeia.
Tue
Mar
18
“ No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.
Helen Keller
Wow, that’s a heavy family history. *concerned look* - Psychologist Person
This was after describing all the instances of the crazy or alcoholism on both sides of my family. We didn’t even get through the whole questionnaire.
I have to go back Thursday, to finish the evaluation.
I’ve got to kick this anxiety’s ass before it consumes more of my life!!
Also…I’d really appreciate it if you (dear reader) wouldn’t discuss this stuff amongst yourselves if you know me in real-life…although of course I put this up here, linked from my Facebook, so generally everyone on my list could read this. I don’t care, or mind!! The only thing I do mind is when these things are “discussed”, which can border on gossip. I am so guilty of doing this too!!
Anyhow, this is all in the spirit of being open and honest and sharing, because someone named Heather over at the site Dooce.com has helped me enormously in life by sharing her struggles with depression & anxiety.
If, in the end, I can help one person by talking openly, all of this time would be worth it.
Prayers always always appreciated! Seriously. Very seriously.
Tue
Mar
11
Today is the day where we go to the meeting where they will evaluate the crazy. I do not know how I will rate on this scale.
Maybe I will be: Crazy.
I could even be Crazy!
I will let you know.
I’m so over this & so tired. I really thought it was very under control, except that by being not in school & being terrified to get a job - maybe fail or have the interviewer for the job not like me is too insurmountable a task implies otherwise.
Prayers accepted.
When we had crumpets for breakfast when I was younger, I used to slather them with processed cheese spread. Somehow that processed “cheese” tasted/tastes good to me.
This somehow relates to Christianity, you can figure it out for thyself. I don’t feel like writing…
